4 years 7 months 20 days

Day 1693. What a day it's been! Last night it was 2:30 am before I went to bed, but at least 3 am before I fell asleep. I was hoping to sleep in this morning. The boys were up early, Tammy got up an hour later than during the week, at 8:30 am. Then Emmy wanted his footbath for his hurting toe, so I had to take care of that. Eventually Randy took them all downstairs, but even though I was extremely tired and just wanted to sleep, I stayed up and went to work on the computer.

With noon approaching they came back upstairs, and by 12:30 we all sat down to eat the soup I had cooked the other day and warmed up today. I still wanted to take a nap after lunch, but never got to. Emmy joined me in bed at one point, watching a video on my computer, then Tammy joined him. Then Randy added Sammy, but I was so exhausted that it was too much. I told them I needed a nap bad. Randy then took them downstairs after 2 pm, and just after 2:30 I got to lie down for a nap. I set my timer to 55 minutes, but I'm not sure I ever actually slept.

At 3:30 pm I got up and went to the kitchen to make their dinner-to-go boxes. Randy soon came upstairs with the kids so we could get them ready to leave the house. After I was done in the kitchen, I dressed them, and we all left the house together right on time at 4:15 pm.

We took two subways and got to church just before the service started at 5 pm. I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. We found ourselves some seats in the back, and the kids ran off to do some drawing in the front. Tammy filled quite a few papers with color. Just before 5:30 they were ready to go to kids' church, so we all went to the room, where there were no kids yet. I left them there to return to the sanctuary for the service.

Normally I wouldn't have come to the service feeling as I did, but I knew I had to be there today, and that became very clear during the serivce. They talked a lot about my friend Sonja who died on Friday, which meant lots of tears for me throughout the service. I felt so alone sitting there by myself grieving.

Just before the end of the service Randy came with Sammy who was calling for Anna with a loud voice. I took Sammy and we walked around trying to see whether Anna was there. And then she got up and came to us. I handed her Sammy, who was delighted to see her, and sat back down. Then Tammy and Emmy came, and a few minutes later the pastor closed the service. There was a call for prayer for physical healing, and I knew I needed someone to share my grief with me. Tammy and Emmy came with me as I went to the friend. I talked to a friend there who told me about her last visit with Sonja last week, while I was waiting for a specific person to become available to pray for us. The three of us waited for quite a long time, and the kids were more patient than expected. I put Emmy on my shoulders so that his toe was higher up. My friend then prayed for his toe first. I put Emmy back down, and let him and Tammy run off. He then prayed for me, and the sweet presence of God touched and filled me. It was just what I needed. I then thanked him and walked off to rejoin the family.

Anna was right there with them and gave me a hug, which brought on the tears again. Then I went to the bathroom. When I returned, the pastor was standing with our family. He gave me a hug, which made the tears flow again. He knew how much Sonja had meant for us and said he would pray for us. He told me when the funeral was, and as it's not in Vienna, he said he'd see if there's any way we could get there since we don't have a car. I was thankful for his empathy.

It had gotten late, much later than usual, so it was high time to go. It was 7:40 pm. On the way to the elevator a friend of Sonja's also gave me a long hug, making my tears flow again. She never said a word. I was so thankful, though, for all the meaningful hugs I had received. It was so much better than to sit alone crying and grieving.

We walked to the subway and started our long journey home. It was 8:30 pm before we were home, so high time to put them to bed. I was so shot I could hardly keep my eyes open, and I had a bad headache, so I took some Advil. We got the kids ready for bed, and I even read them a story even though I was not up for it at all. Then I encouraged them to go to bed rather quickly, as it was late. As soon as they were in bed, I warmed up some food to eat and even turned my computer on to watch something while eating. The Advil did its job, so I felt better, and the food had probably helped as well. Now it's after 11 pm, and I intend to take care of the kitchen and then go to bed early (for me).